by Catherine Seidel, LMFT
PACT Level 3 Therapist

This paper presents the application of PACT couple therapy principles to a guided couple experience with horses. Four couples were given the same instructions and tasks in two-hour equine-assisted sessions. Several PACT exercises were applied verbatim. Observations and insights gained from the exercises were then applied to the couples’ interaction with the horse. For brevity I will describe a portion of the work with two couples.

Because horse brains have no prefrontal cortex, their behavioral responses reflect their level of interest or disinterest, stress, or attraction to human verbal and nonverbal behavior. Without the human capacity for executive function, a horse’s brain “allocates space to perception, fear, rapid movement and associative learning” (Jones 2020a).

Horses are prey animals that depend on flight as primary means for survival. When humans work with horses, the horse provides an...

By Olga M. Vera, PhD

PACT Level 3 Therapist

As PACT therapists, we play a significant role in supporting our couples toward secure-functioning relationships. We can also play an essential role in contributing to the growth of psychology, psychedelics, and work with couples. This paper is my observations and insights as a PACT therapist from my work with couples who decided to use MDMA to strengthen their relationship. Many of my clients wanted to see if MDMA could help them identify the barriers that were not allowing them to create a secure-functioning relationship. 

MDMA has been described as the love drug, the heart opener, or the truth pill by various people in the psychedelic community. People who have taken MDMA recreationally reported a sense of openness and connection toward others. Some have described that it gives them the willingness to discuss the topics that scare them, helping them drop defenses and fear. 

Many of my couples experimenting with...

Excerpted from In Each Other's Care: A Guide to the Most Common Relationship Conflicts and How to Work Through Them by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, LMFT (Sounds True, 2023)

My friends, most love relationships do not last exceptionally long. There are a good many reasons for this. Let’s start at the very top with a lack of shared purpose, vision, and principles of governance. The following material refers only to human unions among freethinking, independent adults in a conditions-based volunteered venture. It does not apply to dictatorships, master-slave arrangements, or parent-child relationships.

Shared Purpose

Shared purpose is your foundational “together” statement; the oath you create together and live by each day. Without a shared purpose between united humans, there is nothing to hold people together over time, particularly hard times. Review these examples with your partner. As you read this book, work together to create a shared purpose for your...

This month, we’re celebrating the first group to have earned the distinct title of PACT Certified Therapist by completing the highest level of PACT training. 

You may see them teaching classes, offering consultation, or sharing PACT research projects.

We asked them what the Certification process was like for them, what advice they have for clinicians new to working with couples, and (just for fun!) if they could have one superpower, what it would be. Learn a little more about each of them.

Eda Arduman, MA, Clinical Psychologist

Istanbul, Turkey

"Going through the PACT Certification program was healing and supportive and sharpened my skills as a therapist and teacher."

Advice for new couples therapists? “Consider becoming a couples therapist as a lifelong journey that will impact your personal as well as professional life…. To truly help couples heal, move away from cookie-cutter approaches and step into the energy of the couple dynamic. The safest way...

By Joy A Dryer, PhD

PACT Level 3 Therapist

“I’m still not comfortable,” says Sam, jiggling his foot.

Sam and Sandra came to couples therapy because they can’t communicate. I start them in each session with a typical Psychobiologic Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT) [1] mutual eye-gazing exercise [2]. They have just settled into their rolling chairs. I ask that they sit comfortably with their knees touching.

I tell couples to breathe deeply, focus attention on the other's face, and notice every detail. Try not to talk or touch. Sam lasts about 15 seconds and then says, “I don’t like this staring thing.”

I sit on my rolling chair between them, a few feet away. My standard poodle, Hobbes, sits statue-still next to my chair. He looks up into my eyes. I look into his.

Sandra catches our exchange. She returns her gaze to Sam’s. Her eyes well up with tears.

Sam’s eyebrows rise with a question, then collapse into a knitted frown. ...

By Karen Berry, PhD

PACT Certified Therapist

As a senior PACT clinician and sex therapist, I routinely use the PACT paradigm to work directly with couples wanting more from their sex lives. I utilize the solid container of a secure-functioning relationship where both are committed to the work of co-regulation and responsibility to help their person, yet I’ve found I need to add some additional components to get robust outcomes. I want to share the essentials that I keep in mind, that ground my case construction, so I can steer solidly in my chair.

The first component is that I prefer to talk with people about their sensuality rather than “sex.”   Sexuality is just too narrow and, more importantly, it brings to mind sexual performance. Clients frequently express concerns about whether their sex organs are functioning correctly, whether or not they are orgasming or orgasming hard enough, if they are having enough sex or the right kind of sex, and if they...

Dayna Mullen, MSc, R. Psych

PACT Level 2 Therapist

As a seasoned PACT therapist, I have used this model for over a decade to transform couple relationships. I’m intensely passionate and loyal to PACT and never thought I would even glance in the direction of another model.  Internal Family Systems (IFS) is the method that eventually piqued my interest and has been able to compliment PACT with some very inspiring outcomes.

I recall a conversation with my best friend, a fellow PACT therapist, about how many roles we have to maintain: wife, mother, therapist, self. We got into a great huddle talking about our roles and how many times we feel controlled by them, as though our nervous systems are hijacked, and we are made to act as if we are nine years old again. We started to play around with language and realized that by simply speaking from parts, i.e., “A younger part of me feels abandoned when you invite other people over without asking me...

Beth O’Brien, PhD 

PACT Level 3 Therapist

PACT therapists help couples create what Stan Tatkin calls a couple bubble. In this relational space, each partner can be themselves and accept each other as is. The bubble is an ecosystem that fosters safety and security for partners. Once their couple bubble is established, couples may benefit from taking action to proactively solve problems by couple huddling.

Partners tend to underestimate the rewards of mutual influence. They deal with their couple problems independently without consulting their partner. In doing so, they fail to realize that their partner brings helpful insights and resources to challenges. Learning to couple huddle applies the secure-functioning principle that partners protect their relationship and workshop problems together via collaboration. 

What is Couple Huddling? 

When partners come together to solve a problem or reach a common goal, they are huddling. Partners can feel stuck in a pressing...

Lilian Borges, LPC 

PACT Level 3 Therapist 

     The two things I am most passionate about are hypnosis and PACT. I have been teaching hypnosis for almost 30 years and, as I am deepening my understanding of PACT, I have been  exploring ways to integrate PACT and hypnosis. I’d like to share some recent experiences from my private practice in Arizona.

     Naturalistic trances are embedded in the PACT experiential approach and interventions. The eye-gazing technique is a naturalistic hypnotic approach. An externally focused trance shows the couple’s dynamics in real time without the confusing smokescreen of verbal language. The eye fixation that eye gazing develops is a light natural trance as opposed to a more formal trance induction.

     PACT uses experiential techniques as an intervention, and assessment tools to prove a hypothesis. The therapist can observe what’s happening and ask questions about...

Alexandra Mitnick, LCSW

PACT Level 3 Therapist

Hmm. Oooh. Aaah. 

Writing a blogpost about the importance of using sounds as a technique or intervention within couples therapy is challenging. When I asked my colleagues for the best ways to describe these sounds, their replies varied: Motherese. Emotional prosody. Non-verbal bursts. These are all terms that describe non-linguistic sounds that rely on pitch, timbre, volume, stress patterns, and intonation to communicate emotion and attunement between client and therapist and, more importantly, between partners in a couple. Often, reverberations resemble those between mother and baby. The value of using these vocal tones to hold the couple within a container and move them closer toward secure functioning is potent and worth sharing.

The Importance of Vocal Tonalization     

The intention for the therapist in using sounds is two-fold. First, referencing Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP),...