Gratitude, Not Platitudes

As PACT founder Stan Tatkin says, “A daily gratitude practice is a happiness practice.”

And the cultivation of gratitude in your own life can serve as a potent tool to enhance your clients' emotional well-being — and your own.

More than just a platitude, gratitude has the transformative ability to rewire our brains, foster our resilience, and instill in each of us a deep sense of purpose and fulfillment.

We asked some PACT faculty members how they cultivate gratitude in their own lives. They generously shared their insights about the field and a few about themselves. Enjoy! And thank you for being a part of the PACT community.

Eda Arduman, MA, Clinical Psychologist, PACT Faculty
Q. What’s one thing that made you smile recently?

A. We had been unsuccessfully trying to schedule time with some dear friends. Then last Saturday night, my husband and I decided to get some ice cream, and at 10pm we came across our friends in the middle of Principe Street in Lisbon. We all walked toward each other and had a spontaneous group hug in the middle of the road.

Q. What is one small victory you’ve had recently or a goal you recently accomplished?

A. Becoming a faculty member at the PACT Institute, teaching Level 1 in Turkey in Turkish, and being invited to teach PACT in Estonia to the Estonian Family Therapy Association members.

Q. What would you like to share with therapists about cultivating gratitude in their lives?

A. Our work is inspired by the rush of connection. We are all lucky to be part of this web of healers. When things get exhausting (and of course they do), I remind myself that what I do is important, but I allow play to seep into my therapeutic space.

Patricia Hart, PhD, PACT Faculty

Q. What are you thankful for this year?

A. Our children and grandchildren living close to us; a book group turned into a support group to help a friend through her illness; a gathering of old friends who have not been together in decades; my marriage, which continues to be a source of daily pleasure, deep intimacy, support, laughter, companionship and growth.

Q. What is one small victory you’ve had recently or a goal you recently accomplished?

A. Getting myself back to the piano

Q. What would you like to share with therapists about cultivating gratitude in their lives?

A. I think we are all fortunate to work as therapists at this particular time in history when our profession is so valued, highly sought out and needed, when our understanding of human behavior is developing with such depth and breadth — and also that we have chosen a profession that has as much as or more job satisfaction than any other.

Allison Howe, LMHC, MA, EdM, PACT Faculty

Q. What’s one thing that made you smile recently?

A. A mother doe and her fawn on my walking trail who didn't run away when I approached.

Q. What abilities do you have that you’re grateful for?

A. I'm grateful for my ability to see different ways of looking at a situation. Well, most of the time!

Q. What would you like to share with therapists about cultivating gratitude in their lives?

A. Establishing a practice of daily meditation (5 minutes counts!), yoga, and journaling are so helpful to me in cultivating gratitude. These practices are grounded in slowing down, and that allows the dust to settle. I've found I'm best positioned to cultivate gratitude when I intentionally set up time and space to do it.

Beth O'Brien, PhD, PACT Faculty

Q. What abilities do you have that you’re grateful for?

A. Bringing a sense of fun and adventure to daily life

Q. What is one small victory you’ve had recently or a goal you recently accomplished?

A. Uh-oh. You asked, so here goes: I am one of “those people” who recently took up pickleball. I am hooked. As a beginner, I had a hard time getting my serve in the right court, or in any court. But I practiced a lot, and now I am more consistent. One of my pickleball colleagues commented recently that I had a killer serve.

Q. What would you like to share with therapists about cultivating gratitude in their lives?
A. Thank yourself and give yourself a pat on the back frequently for the very challenging work you do and the space you hold for those in need of healing.

Julie Rappaport, MA, LPC, PACT Faculty

Q. What’s one thing that made you smile recently?

A. My puppy. He's a 9-month old big baby and weighs 130 pounds already!! He had the zoomies this morning, and his unbridled joy was so amazing to witness.

Q. What’s something you’re looking forward to next year?

A. I'm looking forward to more of my work with couples, helping other clinicians deepen their work with PACT, and for my body to feel good to be able to compete in the Crossfit Games again.

Q. What would you like to share with therapists about cultivating gratitude in their lives?

A. There is always something to be grateful for. If it's hard to find something, then just focus on the breath and feel gratitude that 1) you are breathing, and 2) you have the luxury of time to focus on your breath. Many people are in survival mode and don't have that same luxury. Then look around at your surroundings. Nature is always a good way to feel grateful.... When I'm not in the greatest of spaces, I feel grateful that I have a bed to sleep on, a roof over my head, an able body, and a car to drive....getting down to the basics makes me realize how darn fortunate I am.

Hans Stahlschmidt, PhD, PACT Faculty

Q. What are you thankful for this year?

A. Going through a severe illness and recovering from it made me appreciate all the small things that we take for granted: waking up without pain, being able to move freely, walking up and down stairs with ease, going for outdoor walks, carrying groceries, thinking clearly. I am especially grateful to regain my ability to be interested in the world and others and for the unwavering support of my wife. I enjoy being in the world again and connecting with others.

Q. What’s one thing that made you smile recently?

A. This morning I was sitting on the deck, and a hummingbird was visiting the cascading geraniums that were in a pot. The sound of the wings, the brilliance of colors, the stopping in midair, the delicacy of the beak reaching into the blossom to retrieve the nectar. It was a blessing to be so close to this bird and share these seconds of living on this earth together.

Q. What abilities do you have (or an aspect of your personality) that you’re grateful for?

A. I am grateful that I am able to resonate with nature. My body can settle, thoughts and worries can stop, and a sense of connection puts me at ease. I am a good listener and courageous challenger, and I am dedicated to what really matters, what is at stake. I am good at detecting patterns of human behavior, making connections to the past or underlying issues, and helping people to change.

Q. What is one small victory you’ve had recently or a goal you recently accomplished?

A. For the last 9 days I was able to write one poem every morning. I took the time, put the rushing and running aside, and let words emerge.

Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, PACT Founder, PACT Faculty

Q. What are you thankful for this year?

A. Being alive and relatively healthy!

Q. What is one small victory you’ve had recently or a goal you recently accomplished?

A. Completing the 2nd edition of my book Wired for Love and sharing it with everyone.

Q. What’s something you’re looking forward to next year?

A. More PACT certified therapists and more PACT faculty members.

Q. What would you like to share with therapists about cultivating gratitude in their lives?

A. Gratitude is the opposite of misery and depression. Daily gratitude practice is a happiness practice!

Tracey Tatkin, PhD, PACT Institute Cofounder, PACT Faculty

Q. What are you thankful for this year?

A. I am thankful for the continued good health of my family and friends. It has been a rough few years of the pandemic, and having lost a best friend to Covid before the vaccines were available made it really real for me and my family. I now count every day as a blessing.

Q. What is one small victory you’ve had recently or a goal you recently accomplished?

A. I recently completed my first year of my master’s in clinical psychology program and started my internship seeing clients weekly. I feel a great accomplishment with this, especially since I have been immersed in this field for the 23 years Stan and I have been married. I am loving my learning, enjoying my classmates, and appreciating the support of both my internship cohort and my supervision group — and of course my clients.

Q. What’s something you’re looking forward to next year?

A. I am excited about the growth of the PACT Institute and all the therapists that are going through the training. I am looking forward to working with the Level 3 and PACT Certified Therapists, and the team to build new offerings for all those in the PACT community. I am thrilled we are finally able to get the PACT Outcome Study off the ground with our recent IRB submission and to start the research. We are in a burst of growth, and this brings me joy.

Q. What would you like to share with therapists about cultivating gratitude in their lives?

A. To cultivate gratitude in your daily lives, try building in quiet time sometime during the day to count your blessings. I know it sounds cliché, but I find that if I do this each morning it sets the tone for my day. Doing this allows me to greet the day with a grateful heart.